Think of a time you felt like a victim. Contemplate that for a moment. We've all been there. Probably more often than we like. But there is a way out of it.
Here are links to the blog post and video mentioned in the episode.
My House Was Stolen From Me.
Blog post on Victim-Victimizer for this episode
The Book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
Think of a time you felt like a victim. Contemplate that for a moment. We've all been there. Probably more often than we like. But there is a way out of it.
Here are links to the blog post and video mentioned in the episode.
My House Was Stolen From Me.
Blog post on Victim-Victimizer for this episode
The Book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
***This is a transcript, expect errors.
Today we're going to talk about victim mentality. And at this moment, I want you to think of a situation. Maybe you're going through it right now, or maybe you've been through it in the past. And I want you to think of when you felt like. Victimized and really get into that feeling and let's get into the podcast.
You're listening to the Stop the Mind Screw Podcast. I'm your host, Kathie Owen Certified Fitness Trainer and Life Coach since 2002. Transforming lives in magic fashion. Using stop the minds group process.
Victim mentality. Whoa. It is. Everywhere right now, there's something to be learned from it. As we talked last week in resistance, there's always a lesson in resistance, but, but there's a way out of victim mentality.
What is it? It has to do with Shary's theory. Of psychology. Shary is my therapist and her theory of psychology, which I will have a blog post listed in here with the picture enhanced in it as well. But just picture this there's a triangle and that is your ego or your human body self at the bottom of the triangle to the right.
There is a victim at the bottom of the triangle to the left. There is a victim of. When we live in victim or victimizer, there's also a circle eight at the bottom of that because we go back and forth, back and forth. Think of any argument you've been in and it's always back and forth, back and forth from victim to victim of.
At the top of the triangle, there is a circle and probably the circle is really bigger than this, because that is your higher self and, and intelligence God, the universe, whatever you want to call it. But at the top of the triangle, there is a circle and this circle is at the top of the triangle. So the way out of victim.
And or victimizer is to get to that circle at the top, at the top of the triangle. What is that? That is Victor. Victor is infinite intelligence. It is love. I like to call it love because it's easy to understand. Understand the way out of it, because the way out of victim or victimizer is love. I grew up in a very sheltered home, a very loving home.
I had what most people would consider a perfect childhood, but there were imperfections in there as. One thing I'm grateful for is my parents did not baby me at all from a young child. And it was not intentional either, but it was more out of their fears. You see my family, I come from a family of no divorce, anywhere generations.
All across the board. Even today, my brothers are both still married, happily married, and my parents of course are married. 60 plus years. Here comes Cathy, who is divorced now 20 plus years. And of course my family doesn't know how to deal with that. As a child, my mom did not like to drive in traffic at all.
So even to take me to school, she never tripped me off at the front of school, even in elementary school. Now I'm old enough to be where a time where you children walk to school and nothing would happen to them technically, but I, my mom would drop us off and we'd walk. Across a busy street with a crosswalk, of course, but I'd walk to school.
And even in my junior high days, which was really uncomfortable. And then in my college days, I did not have a car. So had to ride Metro bus, even though my dad taught at university of Houston, I still had to ride the bus sometimes because we didn't have classes on the same times. And it was extremely difficult.
So inter days when I did get an apartment and moved out. Into my twenties. I did not have a car and my parents, they did it. It's not that they didn't care, but they weren't obligated to take care of me. I mean, truly they weren't and, you know yeah. Is that kind of harsh? Absolutely. But am I grateful?
Absolutely. I learned valuable lessons. I was not a victim enter Sherry's theory of psychology. So in about 2003, I started therapy with Sherry and I was in therapy for several years and wow. It was awesome. The things that I learned that I now teach that are now part of stop the mind screw process, because what Sherri taught me in this process.
Was, I'm not a victim and how to get out of victim mentality fast forward to today, there was a court case on TV. I don't watch TV, but of course I know about what's going on in the world. And the, the, the guy was found innocent or he was acquitted. And what happens is.
The people who felt victimized became Vic. And then they turned around and victimized because they get mad and angry and they are not happy with the verdict. So then they turn around and they victimize and they burn things down and they riot. And what's the way out. The way out of that is to get into Victor or a great question to ask in this time is what would Jesus do?
Do you think Jesus would go burn down cities in anger? No, but when you've been victimized long enough, and that means you've been a victim long enough, you lash out in victimizer and the only way out of. Is through love.
That's the only way out of that. Otherwise, it's going to stay in that circle eight. I have a friend who is sick right now because she's under a lot of stress and this friend has been protected all of her life. Her family loves her dearly, takes care of her every need and whim, the exact opposite of my childhood.
And I'm watching her as she's going into more and more and more victim mentality, because the reason she's sick, she's under a lot of stress, but her family has never taught her or she was never forced. Like I was to face they stress. With a Victor mentality. Instead she learned a victim mentality, which is quite across the board.
I want to say popular nowadays, but it's not like popular. It's just a way of life that people are living an entitled life. Like I talked about in the slight edge. It's not what can you do for me, but what can I contribute here? So back to her sicknesses and everything, she doesn't eat healthy at all. And, uh, I've trained her before in the past.
And she. Listen to my methodologies or my teachings, because she wants to stay in that victim mentality that is comfortable for her. And I get that and I'm not judging her for that at all, but the answer is in love. It is in love. For example, how do you treat your body? How are you treating your body when your body.
Right now we're talking about in perfectly fit with Kathie. We're talking about nutrition and your body is so complex and I've always taught all these years. I've taught that food is fuel, but you're not a car you're more complex than a car. You don't just put gasoline in and expect something good to come out.
You have to eat the nutrients. You have to eat the. The vitamins and things in the food to help your body stay healthy. Otherwise, you're going to encounter sickness and illness. And so I asked her, are you taking vitamins because vitamins will help you hurt her. Her immune system is shot because of all the stress and the stomach sickness that she's had.
And she. Um, no, they interfere with my medication. Okay. I get your take a medication. That's great. But if you're eating proper foods, are those nutrients going to interfere with your medication? No, but you're not eating proper foods. And your S that's going to interfere with your medication as well. That's going to interfere with your.
So your body is so complex that it needs all of your nutrients and everything to be imbalanced. Why not help it with a vitamin? Why not help it with a supplement that it's missing? And I seriously doubt it's going to interfere with a medication unless you're taking too much of the nutrient. And if you're not eating healthy, you're not taking too much nutrient mostly.
So victim victimizer. Think of the time when I first opened this podcast episode, what were you thinking about in your victim mentality? I can list so many instances in my life. I can also see the way out of it by not feeling victim. I could've played victim on and car poor me. I had to walk to school. My mom dropped me off in adolescence.
I had to walk to school and as all my friends were driving by in their cars, it was humiliating. Absolutely. Am I grateful. Yeah, because if my parents had coddled me and babied me, my attitude would be totally different. I wouldn't probably even be teaching this stuff because I would have been easily have a, uh, a very sheltered life.
Not creative life because I wouldn't have had the experiences that I had. Let's go to my divorce is married to a multimillionaire. I could have taken him to the cleaners, but I didn't think like that. I was just happy to get out of that marriage. Did I suffer? Absa freaking lutely. I suffered at the hands of the courts and the hands of his money and it was horrible.
But was I a victim? No, absolutely not. Did I complain about it? Yes. I complain in therapy and that's when Sherri taught me this theory. How do you get out of it? I'd sit there and complain about all this stuff that was going on. And like you had said in the last episode and you expected something different from that, man is what Shary would say to.
And she also taught me how to get out of the victim mentality because as a victim, I wanted to victimize him. It was his fault. Right. He was mean I wanted to bully him. I used to write him emails. Oh, I, as a writer, I could write everything. I was thinking properly. I couldn't say it, but I could write. Did he read it?
Absolutely not. He didn't freaking care. It went in one ear and out the other one eye and out the other, he didn't even comprehend it. It was over his head. He can't even think like that. So how did I get out of that? Instead of victimizing him, I learned, I learned how to get to love and what is Sherri?
Teach me the theory. First time she taught me that she goes. You know, when Jesus was dying on the cross, he said, forgive them father for they know not what they do, what that is applied to everything across the board, forgive them father for they know not what they do. Don't victimize them. They just don't know.
I remember her telling me about somebody in her family who was a drug addict, and everybody kept trying to interfere. Everybody kept trying to take care of her and help her. But what happened was that just enabled her even more and made her more of a victim. And Sherri taught me. She said, you know, you just got to look at that situation.
That's over there and go, oh man, they just don't know. They don't get it. That's so sad. They don't get it. Their mind screwing themselves. That's all that is. And you can't talk to them. You can't like my friend that I was trying to tell, look, take a vitamin. I can't, because it will interfere with my Medicaid.
She just doesn't get it. I can't tell her. I can't talk to her. She won't listen. She actually got up from the conversation and walked away. That's my cue to go. Oh, I'm sorry. She just doesn't get it. And it breaks my heart because I am full of wisdom about it. Am I a doctor? No, absolutely not. But I do know how the body works.
I've been doing this for 20 years. I know how the body works and why it does what it does and why you're doing what you're doing. I know how the mind works. Your mind is more powerful than any doctor it's been proven. You can heal yourself with your mind. You can also damage yourself with your mind. That is called a mind.
Screw wouldn't. You want to stop? So go back to your victim situation in the beginning. How can you look at that with love? How can you look at that? With love?
I've done videos on my house being stolen from me and you can go look at them, all, link them in the V in this switch in. In the episode show notes. Yes. My house was stolen from me from a judge in Fort bend county because he knew the system. He knew how to work it. He signed the deed over. He had me sign it in my night Tivity.
I signed the deed over to my house because I was broken. They came in. Looked like angels in disguise out though. They were victimizers and they came in and saw poor Kathy, as a victim here, we'll let you live here till, till you, your boys graduate high school and here you pay us rent and they never took the mortgage out of my name.
That's how they stole the house from me because they never took it.
Oh, 11 years later, they did several court battles later. Several attorneys misleading, poor victim, Kathie, through this awful journey full of resistance. So what happened this past year? Back this summer in 2021, I started getting letters from. I foreclosure company that wanted to foreclose on it because they knew the mortgage company knew this wasn't in my name.
The, it was just really dirty. And so the mortgage company is like, let's just foreclose on this property. I didn't even live there anymore. Haven't lived there for three years, but the mortgage was still in my. So the foreclosure comes in and I could have easily just said, huh? Let it foreclose on it. Cause they've sold the property.
They sold it by owner. The house looks like crap. If you know me, I don't live there anymore. So please don't let that be a reflection of me. Cause it's, it looks like horrible. Obviously it doesn't have love in it, but let's go back to the foreclosure. I could have easily gone up. The house being foreclosed on, screw them.
Let, let them take the heat of that because what do I have to lose my house? No, instead I played Victor and I asked myself, how can I respond to this in love? What I did was I sent an email to all the parties involved. And I said, look, they're going to foreclose on it. Here's the foreclosure notice. Here's the letters from the foreclosure lawyers.
And I'm just letting you know, cause I would hate for somebody be kicked out of a house that they think that they own and they don't. And so that was acting in love. And what ended up happening was they ended up paying off the house and everything's done and over with, and it's gone. It's been. Did I lose a lot of money?
Was I a victim? Abso-freaking-lutely but do I look at myself as a victim? No, I'm a survivor. I look at it through love, because guess what? We are worst with ourselves. The victim victimizer cycle is the worst inside of us. And Sherry used to teach me how to sit down and talk to myself, which self-talk is one of the steps and stuff.
The mind, screw, talk to myself with more empowering conversations that get me out of victim. She taught me to sit down and talk to my victim self,
talk to my victim self. Hmm. Imagine those conversations. And actually they went just pretty much like I'm telling you today, how I went. I did, I was not a victim in my childhood. Actually it taught me lessons. Look, what resistance does it teaches you lessons? All of it talked about it in the last episode.
Go listen to that. And all victim victimizer mentality is, is resistance. And when you see that and you can look at it from a different perspective, you shift, you stop mind, screwing yourself. That's why I say it happens in magic fashion because then all of a sudden you're like, like a snap of the fingers.
Boom. Wow. Is that ever empowering? And that's my hope with all of the stuff that I put out there. All the content I put out there is my hope is to empower you, to transform your life, to magic fashion, not sit there and play victim, learn from the victim. Learn from they have a valuable lesson.
All right. That's my episode for today. I hope you liked it. Be sure to share it with somebody who can benefit from it. And until next time, I'll see you next time. Stop the mind screw, peace out, and Namaste.