Kathie's Coaching Podcast

3. How to have the true slight and build habits that stick!

November 11, 2021 Kathie Owen
Kathie's Coaching Podcast
3. How to have the true slight and build habits that stick!
Show Notes Transcript
"The only person you are destined to become is the one you decide to be." Ralph Waldo Emerson


In this episode here's what we'll cover:

  • 3 lines failure, survival, success - when down we curve between survival and failure.
  • Your philosophy creates your attitude, your actions, your results, your life.
  • Do the thing and you shall have the power - Emerson quote
  • 2 types of attitudes are entitled or value-driven.
  • Shawshank Redemption quote“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. You get busy living or you get busy dying.”
  • Master the art of the mundane
  • Stop taking what you think is the path of least resistance
  • Real success is built by the time you get the feedback and the real work is already done
  • Choices that seem insignificant. So I skipped a day at the gym, what's the big deal? A cheeseburger? What's the fuss?
  • Only 5% achieve the level of success they want and feel fulfilled. The other 95% don't do the easy things.
  • Diet culture says they lack willpower, it is that they lack "won't" power.
  • Slow down to go fast, quit the resisting force.
  • The secret of time consistently repeated daily actions plus time equals unconquerable results
  • The challenge is that making the right choices is not dramatic and there is no immediate feedback.
  • Life is not a clickable link
  • Successful people do whatever it takes whether or not they feel like it.
  • No genuine success in life is instant.
  • Don't become hypnotized by the big break
  • Winning is always a matter of a slight edge! 

Use of words Here's a link to that video!

Links mentioned in this episode:


 


This is the transcript of the episode, errors happen!

You're listening to the Stop the Mind Screw Podcast. I'm your host, Kathie Owen Certified Fitness Trainer and Life Coach since 2002 transforming lives and magic fashion teaching Stop the Mind Screw Process today. We're going to talk about one of my absolute favorite books. And that is called The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.

Now, before we even get into the discussion about the book, you've got to know why this book is so important to what we're talking about in stop, the mind, screw, and fitness. When it comes to building habits. Most people build them backward. What I mean by that is they start with the big result in mind and get discouraged right quick before everything gets in motion, especially when it comes to weight, loss, and exercise.

Those two things. If you struggle with either one of those things or you have issues with building a habit, this book will give you a shift in your mindset that will change everything. Yes. Everything it is that powerful. So we start with chapter one.

"The only person you are destined to become is who you decide to be." That is a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Your choices and your decisions have so much to do with everything. For example, today I was in a Facebook group and I saw this one girl saying I'm just so old. I don't even know why I'm here. Why do I even try? And I get it. Her emotions got the best of her, but she was deciding to be a victim.

The only person you are destined to become is who you decide to be. And this is the very beginning of the book.

Okay. He also has this graph in there and it's got three different lines on it. One is going right straight down the middle and there's one going down and one going up, the one going down was failure.

The one in the middle is survival. The one across the top is success. When we down curve, we are curving in between survival and failure. And that is where a lot of people struggle because they can't get above survival.

Chapter two goes into the first ingredient. Change the way you look at the simple things, the everyday things he talks about a lot in the book changed the way you look at the mundane things, your philosophy creates your attitude, your actions, your results, and your life.

Yes. Your philosophy creates your attitude, your actions, your results, and your life.

"Do the thing. And you shall have the power." That's another quote by Ralph Waldo, Emerson. Do the thing and you shall have the power.

A lot of times when we're procrastinating, all we need to do is do the thing. Take action. And you will have power. He talks about there are two types of attitudes.
1. An entitled
2. And value-driven

Value-driven says, "what can I do to help you?"

Entitled says, "what have you done for me lately?"

Entitled says, "pay me more and I'll work harder."

Value-driven says "I'll work harder than I'll expect you to pay me more."

Where do you stand in between those two philosophies or those two types of attitudes?
 
Chapter three is the choice. I love this quote that he talks about at the very beginning of the chapter. And it's from the movie Shawshank Redemption, and the guys were talking, they were in prison and no end in sight, they were there for life.

And he, the older guy says, I think it's Morgan Freeman. That's the actor in there. And he says, "I guess it comes down to a simple choice really. You get busy living or you get busy dying."
 
In life and in building habits, it's simple disciplines over time that take you off the charts, simple errors in judgment over time, take you down, go back to your habits.

Go back to that little survival. Failure or success, simple disciplines over time. Take you off the charts. Simple errors in judgment over time. Take you down. 

There's this joke. There are five frogs on a Lily pad. One decides to jump off how many frogs are left on that. Lily pad? Think about that for a second.

Oh, simple math might tell you that there are four. But it didn't say he jumped off. He said he decided to jump off. It's a simple decision and a simple action. 

Chapter four, master the mundane reasons why people don't apply the slight edge. Number one reason they are easy to do you master the art of the mundane.

This was the millionaire's big secret. He mastered the art of boring things. And when you met, you know, that's how success is built on the little bitty things. It's like you see your favorite movie star. Think of them right now in this moment or sink of your biggest heat. Do you think they just got it overnight?

Most likely not. There were lots of little things that they had to master before they got to the big thing that you think has big every day. They've got to master the mundane. Unsuccessful people choose the path of what they think is the least resistance, but it really isn't the least resistance is just the least successful.

That's why they're not successful. That's why they go on the downward turn. Number two reason why people don't apply the slight edge. The results are invisible. 

Take eating a cheeseburger. It could be a simple error in judgment, not eating the cheeseburger is a simple, positive action. And the results that come from that are invisible.

He also says this one important thing, real success is built by the time you get the feedback of the real work is already done. 

Do you get that? The real work is already done by the time you get the feedback of success, not eating the cheeseburger. Isn't it's not going to make a big deal. If you're eating a cheeseburger right now, but not eating it a simple discipline over time makes the difference not waking up at 5:00 AM to go work out.

Is it a big deal? No. But getting up at 5:00 AM to go work out today and simple disciplines over time. By the time you hit real success, the real work is already done. By the time you get the feedback of the results, that's the number-two reason why people don't apply the slide. Number three, they seem insignificant.

So I skipped a day at the gym. What's the big deal, a cheeseburger, what's the fuss, the philosophy, what I do right now, doesn't really matter. Successful people realize that what they do in this moment matters, you know, he gave an alarming statistic in this book and he says only 5%. Achieve the level of success they want and feel fulfilled the other 95% of those people don't do the easy things.

What that is, why and that as a fitness trainer for 20 years, I can tell you that that is so true because the 95% don't want to do that easy thing. And only 5% achieve the level of success they want and feel fulfilled. That is true. People who complain about diets say they lack willpower. I love how he says this.

He goes, they don't lack willpower. They lack won't power because they won't give up the little things that matter over time. So those are the three reasons why.

People don't apply the slight edge. And I can tell you that is true. Don't let you be the 95% because now, you know, let's go into chapter five where he says slow down to go fast. There's a natural tendency in us to resist force, like forcing yourself to wake up, forcing yourself to go on a date. But you don't have to force those things.

The secret of time consistently repeated daily actions, plus time equals unconquerable results. But the thing is, is people don't want to consistently repeat those daily actions. Time is like water. It gives life to everything and flows to places. Most people just don't get it, The Slight Edge is boring. There is no drama.

We are so drawn to drama that we do. We don't want to do these boring things because why it's not magical results. Especially in this day in time of our attention spans being so little. We want everything right now. We, we don't want delayed gratification, but to get the slight edge and to really go up the success curve instead of staying in survival or sliding down.

Is, you got to realize there is no drama and you have to be like time and you got to flow to most places that most people just don't get. The challenge is that making the right choices is not dramatic and no immediate feedback. It's been proven that successful people do whatever it takes, whether or not they feel like.

No genuine success in life is instant. Life is not a clickable link. You can't just click the link and get there. And genuine success is not to grasp how the slight edge works. You have to view your actions through the eyes of time. So go back to what he says about time. Time is like water. It gives life to everything and flows to places.

Most people just don't get to grasp how the slight edge works. You have to view your actions through the eyes of time. 

Chapter six, don't fall for the quantum leap. Don't become hypnotized to the big bird. Anytime you see a breakthrough that appears sudden it is always the end result of little things done consistently over time.

Winning is always a matter of this slight edge. Go back to that movie star, go back to that favorite team of yours that you liked that did win. And finally got there. It was the little things done consistently over time that got them those results. 

You probably know I'm a huge Astros fan. And at the time of recording this, I don't know if we're going to win the 20, 21 world series or not.

But I could tell you, I have watched the Astros since I was a little kid. I have, I understand the game of baseball very well. I was raised around the game. My son played the game. I'm around boys in my family. I have two brothers, I have two sons and all of them love sports. So how do I bond with them? I got familiar with sports.

One of my favorite sports is baseball. And when you understand the game, you become very avid about it. You, you understand this slight edge, how this works because you know, one of my favorite baseball players is Jose  Altuve you know, people who are watching the world series, their eyes are all on the game. And these athletes look like phenomenal athletes.

Like they've been doing this all the time. They don't realize that. The result of little things done consistently over time, you know, Jose Altuve had to overcome certain stigmas against him because he was part of that cheating scandal. And I've watched him in his interviews. I've watched him through the years, play the ball game and.

Even admits these pressures of being called the cheater. He knows how now to talk to these reporters and how to portray himself, where it doesn't get to him. But believe me, he had to work over it. He had to do little things consistently over time to overcome all that. To overcome the pendulums of the sport, which I will be talking about in very near upcoming episodes.

Because there are pendulums, which are thought structures that everybody else thinks that is very contagious and only once your energy. And when you understand that you don't let the pendulum get your energy, you just sit back and watch it. And I'm going to discuss this because I use that in sports and watch sports all the time.

Otherwise, I'd be disappointed or I'd be upset. But we will talk about that in another discussion, but to grasp how the slight edge works, you have to view your actions through the eyes of time. Chapter seven, the secret of happiness success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

Happiness is created by simple, easy things we do every day. Unhappiness is created by not doing those simple things, easy things every day. Now I would be amiss if I didn't talk about toxic positivity right here. I, you know, I don't like the term toxic positivity. It is an oxymoron to start off with, which means that the two words are opposites and they don't go to.

Now positivity can be forced, and this is not forcing positivity. When you force positivity, most likely you've hit, somebody's going through the stages of grief and you can not go through the stages of grief. Be positive. You have to go through the stages of grief. So what happens is resistance comes into play with those stages of grief.

And so the person goes, wait a second. I'm not thinking positive right now. Don't tell me everything's going to be okay. And that's fine. You are in the stages of grief. You need to be in there and you need to go through the stages. There's no way around it. Life is like that. Don't don't dwell. On finding negative and a positive, it's just, that's forced positivity.

It's not toxic positivity. And that does not war talking about right here. No matter how bad things are, find a positive in this situation, he talks about his mom in the book and how she, he never heard her talk bad about anybody, even though she went through some really bad times and, you know, That says a lot about a person.

That's probably how he even came up with a slight edge was by observing his mom's behaviors. Because of those everyday behaviors, even when things are bad, you still keep your mindset properly, correctly guided. Then that is what creates true happiness be happy. And the reason we'll update. But most people work the other way around.

So people who call positivity toxic are going well. I, I'm not going to be happy until the recent appears and you know, you're, you're hurting yourself in that. Your use of words. He talks about this as well. There's a direct correlation between health and attitude and words like mad alone, annoying Kant mood, boring, tired brought about unhappiness.

Those words brought about unhappiness. And I did a video on words that, um, that affect you negatively or how you use these words and what to change them to, especially the word can't. I, I always tell my clients can't never did anything and it's still in the dictionary. And those are one of the words that have a reflection, a correlation between your health and your attitude.

So shift that word. He said words like morning. Fabulous, helpful share running forward. Great. Interesting discussion brought about happiness. Yes, for sure. For sure. And it also has to do with your thought habits, your the way you think, and you can break those thought habits that are negative, annoying can't mood, boring, tired.

When you say words like that, you bring that unhappiness onto yourself. And when you're talking to yourself, which is one of the stop, the mind screw processes, you, you will find that when you say words like that to yourself in conversation, it, it does affect everything. It's a simple shift, but most people won't do it.

He talks about happy habits. He gives you six of them. Six happy habits each morning. Write down three things. You are grateful for. Journal two minutes a day on a positive experience, meditate, random acts of kindness day. I especially like random acts of kindness that aren't known by anybody, but you, those are fun exercise for 15 minutes a day.

And you know, I'm going to tell you. Read 10 pages a day of a good book. You want a suggestion on a book to read, go look@kathyowen.com, backslash book books, tons of them. And I've read every one of them. And I highly recommend each and every single one of those books. And just 10 pages a day. I can't remember what he said, but by the end of the year, you will be, you will have read so many books and heck today to read 10 pages a day, you could listen to 10 pages a day on audible, and you will have an even more profound effect because you had those 10 pages a day.

I'd just take you a few minutes.

And another thing that happens when you read really good books, like even reality, trans surfing, um, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Um, some of the older books, um, power, the Power of the Subconscious Mind. James Allen's books As a Man Thinketh. A lot of times when you read those books, when you read them through a second time, you will hear something that you didn't hear before, and it will affect you differently.

The reason why is because your level of consciousness has changed and when you're higher in consciousness or even lower in consciousness, you have different experiences in your life to where you can hear at different. It's like I listen to Joseph Rodriguez podcasts and I can listen to them over and over again in a row. And I hear something different every time. 

Chapter eight, the ripple effect growth creates abundance, but it also creates responsibility. Achieving greatness in anything isn't simply a matter of taking steps that get you there. It is also a matter of being willing to pay the. And that price is responsibility.

A Course in Miracles talks about responsibility and I love the stance. It takes on responsibility. And, one of my A Course in Miracles  teachers taught a little quote. She used to say, "I'm responsible for what I see in everything is. I think it should be." And when you take responsibility like that, that's called radical responsibility.

When you take responsibility like that, you can't play victim. You cannot be a victim in that type of responsibility, but is it easy? No, it's not easy. But when you do have that shift, I promise you, you will have the slight. 

As far as the ripple effect goes, we're all having a ripple effect on others. Every single one of us have a ripple effect on others. The question is what kind of ripple effect are you having? Is it negative or is it positive? Is it one that we want to have? What kind of ripple effect do you want to have by me doing this podcast episode? My hope is that I make that ripple effect and have those mindset shifts that go, oh, because when I read this book, I had that mindset shift and I was, I got it.

You know, and, and part of me even started feeling a little bit of, of sadness for people who don't get it because it's so freaking simple. Pay me more and I'll work harder. And I see that so often. And you know, you want to just tell them you want to shake them and go, please, please just see this. But it doesn't, it it's like the toxic positivity.

Oh no. I'm not going to see it any other way. You're forcing me to be taught positive or fine. I would rather be value-driven and say, what can I do to help you? Or I'll work harder and then I'll expect you to pay me more. I'd rather provide value because that's where the abundance lies. When you, when you go pay me more and I'll work harder when you have the entitled attitude, you're going down on those little curves that I'm talking about, that he, he graphed on there.

Chapter nine is called. It starts with a penny. You have to start somewhere. You have to start somewhere. And one of my favorite things that I'm always telling people is just be 1% better today than yesterday. That is the most simple thing you can take from this book and apply to your life. You can apply it to anything to skill, knowledge, effort.

But you have to start with 1%. I could sit there and tell somebody who I know needs to get fit. I know they need to get fit and I could stay on them. I'll stay with them for a week. But if I don't even see, I'm trying that 1%. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Fire. You know, and it's, it's sad, but that's what happens. And it's just that 1%, please just give me 1% today than yesterday.

And when I see people really, really doing this, when I see my clients, my friends, those who I teach this to, and I see them doing it, actually, what they do is they will tell me, look, I did that 1%. I was 1% better today. Lester day, look of that calorie burn right there, Kathy, that just makes me. That's my ripple effect.

That's what I like. But what kills me is when I tell somebody this and they don't even try, I will stay on them. I have this one friend that had a hip hip replacement surgery and he was just so stressed out about it. He didn't want to do it because he's diabetic. He had all these health issues. They were actually scared to put him under and he goes, Cathy, what can I do?

What can I do right now? And I told him, I said his stationary bike. I said, go get on that. Give me 10 minutes today, just 10 minutes. Oh, I can do that. I can do that. He tells me, uh, tried to stay on him for five days by then it was 15 minutes. I just said one minute more tomorrow one, you know? So by the fifth day you should be at 15 minutes.

And by that day he didn't even reply to my texts that tells me he's fired because he's not going to try he's in that 95%. And I can see him a year later and he's still in the same boat. And I can tell you there's a lot of my friends. People that are like that, but that's the 95% he's talking about. And that's our breaks, my heart.

That's what breaks my heart. But you know, what puts it back together and those that tell me, Hey, guess what I told somebody, all they got to do is 1% today. Then yesterday I gave them your advice, Kathie. I know because they know, but you know what? They're just there. They're just that 5%. Out of a hundred people, you're only going to have five that will respond like that.

And I'm here to tell you as a trainer for 20 plus years, that is true. And sadly, but it is true. Greatness is always in the moment of decision. He says that in there too. Are you going to be the frog that decides to jump off the Lily pad and actually does it, or are you going to be the one that says, yeah, Kathie, I'll give that I'll be on the bike today for 10 minutes, 11 minutes tomorrow.

I promise. And then not do it. It's your decision? I can't make you do it going into part two of the book. I'm only going to discuss a little bit of it. Cause I haven't finished, taken all my notes on it and I'll leave this for another episode, but it's all about living the slight edge. Two life paths is chapter 10 hitting the snooze button.

It won't matter. Of course, it won't matter what matter if you do it today, but you know, I do that sometimes I'll hit the snooze button. I'm one of those people. I love my sleep. I love my sleep, especially in the mornings at five o'clock, between five and six 30, I have my dream activity is just, oh, it's so nice.

I have some of the best dreams and very vivid and very clear, but really, and truly. I need my butt up at five o'clock. So I'm in the gym doing my workout. Now. I don't work out every single day. That's not realistic and that's not good. That's why I know that I had those a great dreams in the morning. Plus I plan my week out in the beginning of the week and I know what days I'm supposed to and what days I'm not supposed to, but I can't hit the snooze button on the days I'm not supposed to do.

I do it. Absolutely. Do I feel bad later that day? Yes I do, because I did it do my 1%. You can do 10 pushups or you could grab the remote and watch bad news on the TV. You know, I like this one too, because it's like, I was telling my friend, go ride your stationary bike for 10 minutes. And you know what? He could have even grabbed the remote and watched bad news on the TV at the same time, if that's what he wanted to do, but he didn't even do that.

So I like how he says in the book, the slight edge he's got those curves. He's got a curves of responsibility and blame responsibility is power. It's curved, upwards towards success. Okay. Remember that even when life is unfair, you keep the reins in your own hands. When you take responsibility. What does that mean to you?

That right there is what gave me power through that 14 freaking year custody battle with my ex that still goes on to this day, but I took responsibility. I wasn't a victim. I am not a victim to him. Life was not fair. The courts were not fair. The judges were not fair. I live in Fort bend county. He has money.

He paid them tons of money, but when I let go of all of that drama and crap, I let go of it. And 2012, I think it was about, that was 12 years after my divorce. I finally let go of it. I think it was even sooner than that. More like 2007, 2000. Uh, when I just let go of it. And I said, what does it matter? That it doesn't define me as a mom?

What defines me as a mom is my responsibility, my choice, my decisions, not the courts, not what they say, not what he did with his money and how he used it wrongly. That was unfair. Yes. But once I took response bonds ability. It curved my life, a port, it curved it towards success. What curves it downward is when you blame you, blame others, you blame circumstances.

You blame fate. You blame everybody else. And yeah, even though it's unfair, I could've easily blamed everybody else. And everybody would have been like, get Kathy you're wrong. But where is the power there? Where is the power? I would have been a victim. What pools? Those on the curves of success is the future.

What pulls those on the F on the failure curve is the past. So remember even when I'm talking about it right now, my blood pressure gets up because it was so freaking unfair, but that's the past. And I don't look at that anymore. And I take responsibility for what goes on in my world and everything is, as I wish it would be, and I can change how all that goes.

And that's where the power lies. My friends. That's where the power lies. Okay. We will pick up next time with mastering the slight edge chapter, a little. In the meantime, I highly recommend getting this book, listening to it, reading it and start practicing it. And like I said, at the beginning, you can listen to this book over and over again, just like me when I'm reviewing my notes for it to get into this.

Episode. I was like, well, I forgot about that. And wow, that's why that happens. That's why that person is not getting on their bandwagon or that's why somebody's not taking this seriously. And I knew I needed to record this because then I can always refer to this episode when I see somebody struggling that wants to change.

Because you have to want it. You have to want that decision. You have to be that frog. That's going to jump off that Lily pad, not just because you're deciding to you're actually going to take it. So go back to the very beginning of the episode, when I gave the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, the only person you are destined to become is who you decide to.

And it takes action. It takes action. Do the thing. And you shall have the power like Ralph Waldo. Emerson also said you do the thing and you shall have the power. Don't just decide to do it, do it, and only be 1% better today than yesterday. Master the mundane thing. Overcome the easy and see it as something big and spectacular.

When you see responsibility as a bad thing, it will be a bad thing. But when you see it, as I take responsibility for that beautiful sunset that I see is beautiful and I'm responsible for it because I'm the one that sees it. And I'm going to take action. And I'm going to share that with somebody else, and it's going to have a.

Effect in life. All right. That's my episode for today. I hope you liked it. Please share it with somebody who could benefit from this. And until next time, I'll talk to you soon. Peace out and Namaste.